Dating Trend

Dear Aber,

I noticed that a lot of people I know have broken up this summer with their significant others. In fact, I'm one of those people. I got dumped, but that's just details. Anyways, it seems like these same people are also getting on the dating wagon right away. I already notice a few people get into "relationships" already. My ex would probably deny it, but he's in one regardless of what he says. *laughs*

I've been on a few dates here and there, but nothing really concrete. I don't think I'm even ready to jump into another relationship this soon. I just like meeting new people for the most part and increasing my friend base. Yes, I'm up front about it. I don't like leading people on. You may call it noble, but I think it's me being selfish. I believe that I put out to the universe what I want and it'll bring it back to me...or something like that. Basically, I'm being as real as possible to people, because I don't want the "powers that be" to send me fake people.

I notice that a lot of people tend to change their habits for a bit once they start dating someone new. I know I've done it in the past. I'm tired of that crap. I'd rather be honest up front and change with the person I'm with and not change to be with the person. Don't know if that makes sense. For example, I'm nice but I can be a bitch. I show both sides to the person I'm interested in. I don't hide the other side of me.

Recently, I started to quit smoking. I did it before I started hanging out with a smoking cessation counselor. I didn't quit when we are hanging out so that he'd be more interested in me. I've wanted to quit for a long time, but since J smoked I really didn't see the need to. It made it easier to be both smokers than have one non-smoker in the relationship. I should have taken initiative and got us to both quit, but I had changed to be more submissive in our relationship. I guess I really didn't want to be the dominant one. Strangely enough I was the dominant one in the relationship prior to J.

I'm just venting about dating in general. How do people easily move on to the next person quicker than I do? I know we all deal with change or break ups differently, so I can't really compare others to myself. Maybe I'm just slow at letting things go or I analyze things way too much. Maybe it's a little of both.

I seem to follow the same pattern all the time when it comes to dating. I think I'm usually the person that puts 100% into a relationship instead of holding things back. At least that's what I do now. I held back when I was with A only to lose him...more like let him go. I feel like he was the love of my life, but I didn't realize it until after he was gone. Life is funny that way and I think he really likes to play jokes on me.

That was the past and this is now. I'm not following my old patterns and not going with the dating trend that most people do. I'm going to be more honest with myself and the other person. It makes it easier for the both of us to decide whether we become friends, lovers, or another thing entirely. I'm also tired of the whole passive aggressiveness of Seattle. I'm going back to my roots. I'll be the nice guy that I am and the hopeful romantic that I am. I'm not gonna hide those things, but I'd be lying to myself and the other person. I'm not the most masculine guy and I'm proud of it.

I want to be happy like the couples I know and I'm not going to settle for anything less. :-)

Thanks for listening.

Not so sleepless in Seattle

Easier Said than done

Dear Aber,

Tonight I ended up going to a bachelor bar hoping party for a good friend. It so happens my ex is good friends with him and his new boy is also friends with him. At first I thought it would be weird hanging out with my ex and his new squeeze, but it really wasn't so bad. I think I'm really moving on now. It's only been about 7 weeks (not sure) since we had broken up and he's moved on quicker than me. I know I should feel anger, hurt, and be super pissed off, but I'm not. I think I've finally grown up.

I'm really happy for him, since all I ever wanted was for him to be happy. I had hoped that it was me during our relationship, but I just wasn't the right guy. Hopefully M.A. will be the right one. I honestly don't want him to end up getting his heart broken (it's not the usual case for him). He is usually the heart breaker. I just want him to be in a relationship where he can be himself and still be loved. I loved him for who he is regardless of him being an asshole and I want him to find someone that will too. Maybe when he finally feels true love for a person, his attitude will change and show the loving side that I saw a few times in our relationship.

Seeing him and M.A. tonight was easier than I thought. I kept my insanity in check. I guess it helped chatting with him before we ended up at the party. Chatting with him almost felt like old times yet different.

He said he always trusted me and I realized that I didn't always trust him. It was hard too after so many untrustworthy people that I had relationships with. What I learned from him, was that I shouldn't be with anyone I don't trust and not to settle. At the same time, I shouldn't be searching for something better if I already have a great thing.

One day I'll meet they guy that was meant to be with him. I fell in love twice already and it didn't work out, so maybe the 3rd time is a charm.

Anyways, I'm off to bed. I have to be up at 6am on a Saturday so I can compete in this dragon boat race. Hopefully my should will last and I can make it through all 3 races.

Thanks for listening!

The moving on kid

Birthday

Dear Aber,

So I turned 31 today and so far the day has been great. My friends have posted on my FB wall wishing me a fantabulous birthday. My cube was decorated by a mystery co-worker, probably Linda who is on vacation, and the most amazing chocolate cake with cream cheese frosting from Whole Foods. It's been a great day.

Last year after my birthday was when I met J. It would have been nice to celebrate the day with him if we were still together. He probably would have either taken me to dinner or made dinner. His gifts were simple, but they meant a lot. I know the we weren't meant to be, but I still miss the douche. It's getting easier everyday to be single again and I think of him less and less. I still think we had some good times and I don't regret being in a relationship with him at all. I realize it's ok to miss him and still move on. It would've been nice if he wished me happy birthday too. I guess he's giving me space and avoiding me (might be afraid that I'd still be hurt).

I don't really like celebrating my birthday for some reason. I enjoy celebrating other people's more. The good part is that I got to work from home this morning and then come into work just so I can go to lunch. I did do a lot of work from home and after lunch, so I don't feel bad. Everyday isn't my birthday, so I can relax a bit.

My weekend is so booked, so I'm not really doing anything primarily for me. I got a bachelor bar crawl to go to on Friday, dragon boat racing from 7:30 to 5pm on Saturday, and a wedding to go to on Sunday. So much for relaxing during a 3 day weekend. Good thing is that I get to hang out with my good friends and share my weekend with them. I hardly doubt that I'm gonna get birthday booty, but it's all good. I'd rather save sex for when it's more meaningful and with someone meaningful. I haven't been as slutty as I thought I would be being single again and I'm fine with that. At the same time, I don't want to be a serial monogamous/dater.

I want my 31st year of life to be a great one and maybe if I believe it will be, then it'll come true. So far so good. I'm thankful for my family and the great friends I've made throughout my life. Also, with friends like mine, who needs enemies.

I still have this weird feeling that something big is gonna happen soon. Maybe life changing and I don't know what. Somehow I feel connected to it in a way. I hope it's good, cause I don't think I can take anymore bad news.

Anyways, thanks for listening. 31 years I've been on this earth and I've experienced a lot for someone my age....sometimes I think it's a bit much. I surprised I'm not crazier than I should be. I have more strength than I think I have.

Later,

The Birthday boy