It's been over a month since the break up and I still hurt. I found out that he hooked up with someone on his birthday and it totally fucked me up. I seriously want this pain to stop and don't want to think about it ever again. I feel like I want him out of my life, but at the same time I don't.
How do I make this pain stop? How do I control the craziness that I'm feeling? I'm angry, hurt, and want to hit things really hard. What makes things worse is that I miss him and miss being held at him at night. I miss being around him, where I felt safe. I shouldn't feel any of this, because he's not the type of person I should feel safe with or miss being around. I tried not to love him, but it ended up making me fall deeper in love with him even more.
Why do I tend to go for guys who are just not good for me? My friends say I'm a catch and even my ex said that, but if that's true then why do I always get the short end of the stick. His post break up funk maybe gone, but mine never went away.
I play strong all the time to my friends and family, but it's getting exhausting. The hurt seems to get stronger every day that passes. I was in denial that the relationship was over, but now reality finally it me. My dreams are getting more vivid and the sleeping medication isn't helping anymore. Why am I so fucked up over this? I'm usually more resilient that this.
I don't want my friends to see my pain anymore. I don't want to keep talking to them about this. I just want it over. How do I stop the pain and not destroy myself in the process?
Sincerely,
Broken-hearted Fool
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