Have you heard of the Florence Nightingale effect? It is a term used when people interpret an amiable bed side manner of a health care provider as affection. I think I have the reverse version of that when it comes to relationships. I tend to want to be the Florence Nightingale for others, mostly the guys I get into relationships with. I didn't realized this until I talked to one of my friends. She asked me how I was coping with the break up and I told her everything that I realized in the last couple days. I told her about the question, "What do I miss most about my ex?" and told her I didn't know. Here's what she told me.
Friend: I know what you miss most about him.
Me: Really? What do you think it is, because I have no idea?
Friend: You miss taking care of him. Or at least you miss taking care of someone. You need to let that go. You have this need to take care of people when what you really need is someone who can also take care of you.
Bloody hell! She's a fucken genius and she's not even a therapist. She's totally right. I know that I'm this nurturing person, but I never really thought about it that way. It was like light bulb just turned on in my head (it's rare occasion that it happens since I'm so dense, so I celebrated in my mind). *laughs*
It's great to have such good friends with great insight. It's also good to have friends who have experienced life more than you have. She told to take this experience and learn from it. Break the pattern!
Feeling way better now!
Florence Nightingale wannabe
Totally
ReplyDelete